Stiff as a board.

Last night, or actually, early this morning, I got closer to freaking out over assignments than I have since highschool.

Back then I had this bad habit of finding out about an assignment, leaving it til the night before (just like every other highschool student who gets As and Bs without trying) and then I would totally flip. I would start to work on it, it would get later in the evening, the stress building with every single letter I glued onto the bristle board, and then my mind would start circling itself: "ohmigodohmigodohmigod, imgonnafailimgonnafail, idiotidiotidiot" and then, when I would hit the least little obstacle (like glueing a letter on backwards, or forgetting one,) I would start hyperventillating, and of course (depending how far gone I was) a stream of stoic tears would be falling as I continued to work, stopping to rock back and forth like a crazy person from time to time. Ah, the art of building the victim-image. I learned from the best.

Of course, my parents had no sympathy for my situation, since it was, well, my fault. Then I would get pissed off, and fling myself on my bed in utter dejection, sobbing like Paris Hilton must have sobbed when her parents cut her allowance for the sex tape scandal.... Or I would scream, I was good at that too.

"I HATE THIS! I HATE EVERYTHING!"

Anyway, as soon as I noticed that I had started in that pattern again, I shut down the computer and went to bed. I'm hoping that once I finish typing this (procrastination, you see) I won't start to freak out like last night. I wonder how well that will work.

current music: John Mayer, No Such Thing